Capitalism Pentagram T-Shirt

Behold, the one true faith. All hail the invisible hand that giveth, taketh, and occasionally repossesseth. This dark humor shirt honors the almighty market—an ancient deity that demands constant sacrifice in the form of rent, hours, and your remaining serotonin.

Printed in ominous red, this sarcastic t-shirt depicts the sacred sigil of our global creed: the goat-headed idol of infinite growth. Followers gather daily to chant the numbers, whisper the rates, and pretend this is normal.

Its commandments are simple: consume endlessly, compete with friends, and pray your value increases faster than inflation. Those who question the faith are cast out, usually into unpaid internships.

Whether you wear it ironically or as a true disciple of the neoliberal void, this anti-system tee captures the reverent despair of life under an omnipresent god who only answers to quarterly profits. Slip it on and feel absolved of meaning—but spiritually leveraged to the hilt.

Sacred Rituals of the Free Market

1. Wake before dawn. Offer your time and sanity upon the altar of productivity.

2. Recite the mantra: “If I work harder, maybe it’ll love me.”

3. Make your tithe in the form of subscription renewals.

4. Partake in communion via burnt coffee and burnout.

5. Go in debt. Be reborn. Amen.

Care instructions
- Do not dryclean
- Machine wash: warm (max 40C or 105F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat