Emotional Load Bearing Shirt

Warning: do not attempt removal without proper emotional support personnel present. This sarcastic t-shirt is rated for medium-to-severe existential strain and may be the only thing holding your personality together right now.

Engineered for maximum psychological containment, the Emotional Load Bearing Shirt meets or exceeds OSHA (Overwhelmed Souls Holding Anxiety) standards for daily wear. Perfect for individuals operating at limited emotional capacity, this ironic tee is a certified stabilizing structure in the ongoing collapse of your mental infrastructure.

Caution should be exercised when interacting with the wearer, especially during stress events, social functions, or conversations about “future plans.” Always maintain a safe distance and avoid sudden empathy.

This absurdist humor apparel functions as both personal protection equipment and a public service announcement: emotional scaffolding is not a renewable resource.

 Safety Guidelines and Maintenance Procedures

1. Do not machine wash while crying.

2. Avoid exposure to hope or unsolicited advice.

3. Inspect seams regularly for signs of emotional leakage.

4. If shirt begins to smoke or tremble, back away slowly.

5. In case of breakdown, apply snacks and quiet affirmations.

This shirt is rated to handle one (1) meltdown per day under normal operating conditions. Wear responsibly, and remember—removing this garment voids the warranty on your coping mechanisms.

Care instructions
- Do not dryclean
- Machine wash: warm (max 40C or 105F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat